everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
