i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
