dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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