Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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