tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
