he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
