ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
