I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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