Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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