i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
