Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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