i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
