stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
