He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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