My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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