Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
