There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
