Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
