She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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