I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
