I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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