We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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