I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
