lets start a swedish sibling band together
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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