Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
