1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Cover your peen. We're going out.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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