If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
