i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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