I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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