two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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