Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
