i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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