i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize