They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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