when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
