Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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