hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
