Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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