his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
