I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
