he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
