I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
it's like iHOP with fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
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