I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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