I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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