somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
