apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
