I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
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She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
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Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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