Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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