I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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