So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
