i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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