can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
