I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize