Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
