So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
