i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
