My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
