friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
sex in a hospital.. check
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Drunk is not a location!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
