My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
