When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
