it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
well you can't waste a boner
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
