Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize