paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
