The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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