No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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