Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
