I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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