2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
