I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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