My brain says no but my pants say off.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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