My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
