i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
