Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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