you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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