I think im going to throw up on grandma
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
