i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
