I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Vodka?
Forever.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
