Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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