I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
