ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
