I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
