Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
my poor anus
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
