Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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