So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
