my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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