Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
