I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
