she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
